No really, I am sorry.  If you are reading this, then you searched for “straight wife” or something along those lines, in hopes that you would find someone else out there like you…  If that is the case, I am sorry.  I am sorry that you are going through the same thing that I am.  But I hope that in reading this, you will find comfort in knowing that you are not alone…  I created this blog today.  I have been entertaining writing one, but I’m not a writer so I was hesitant…  There are so many women out there in my situation, but we don’t have much in the way of support.  There is support for those who have known and some who have only just found out.  There are some that hate their husbands/exes and some that are living in an open marriage.  Where are the ones who have known and who are separating from their husbands but are still friends with them, still love them, still care?  Is it only me???

My husband came out to me on December 8th, 2009, four days before our 11th wedding anniversary.  But I had clues previous to that which I chose to ignore and/or discuss with him.  Eventually, the clues became too numerous to ignore.  Ultimately I accepted him for who he was, but he still hadn’t.  He now does accept that he is gay, he intends to leave me and find a man whom he can love and have an emotional attachment to.  I am devastated, he was that person for me.  He was the one I loved, who I had an emotional attachment with, who I intended to spend the rest of my life with…

But I came to the realization on December 31st, 2009 that I cannot dwell on the loss of my marriage anymore.  I need to move on.  My friend wrote it perfectly, he has rewritten my past and my future.  With his six words (“There is no ‘us’, I’m gay”) he has changed everything.  But I cannot hang on to him anymore because that is only pushing him farther away.  I want him to remain my best friend, my parenting partner, but I fear that if things continue as they have these last several weeks that he will walk away and never look back, except to see his children.  I can’t bear to lose him completely…

Maybe you ended up here because of my blog’s name and you ask “Why is this blog called Defying Gravity???”  Well, I am an avid Glee fan.  I am a total Gleek.  I have downloaded every episode and every song and, well, that’s not the topic of this blog!…  One of the episodes used “Defying Gravity” from Wicked.  I never really paid too much attention to the lyrics, they didn’t mean anything to me.  One day, not too long after my life changed, my husband played me THIS SONG on MY iPOD in MY CAR and said this is how he feels.  Once I came to my great realization (as referenced above), I decided “Back at ya, baby!”  This is MY new theme song.  And here it is:

“Defying Gravity” from Wicked (as sung in the Glee episode titled “Wheels”)

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules
Of someone else’s game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It’s time to try
Defying gravity
I think I’ll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I’m through accepting limits
’cause someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I’ll never know!
Too long I’ve been afraid of
Losing love I guess I’ve lost
Well, if that’s love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I’d sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I’m defying gravity
I think I’ll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!