Fallout

I have just realized I haven’t been around since December!  Well, I’ve been pretty busy, as you will see…

As you know, the topic of this blog is living life as a straight wife to a gay man.  We are separated but we are still parenting partners and best friends.  It was a rocky road getting here – mostly for me – but our relationship is what it is.  It is unique and it is ours and no one can tell us how to live or should judge us.  We have happy, healthy children who know that their parents love them and each other no matter what trials we face.  Do I tell him everything now?  No, I certainly don’t.  He moved out so there are some aspects of my life that are off-limits to him, just like with any other friend.  I have several best friends (NM, SN, DG) – my girls, who I love and who keep me grounded but they don’t know EVERYTHING, so HE surely isn’t privy to it all, either.  We have a different relationship now than when we were “together” and it is still evolving and changing.

That being said, I am still dealing with the fallout of him coming to the realization that he can no longer live as a straight husband.  I have been dealing with Wave 1 – my present and my future with regards to my home life.  I no longer have a husband who lives with me, who is here for me to be my support and my rock.  Life is different with two parents living in separate households – planning around that alone is a huge headache, but we are getting it.  I no longer have the man that I fell in love with to grow old with.  I have to start again.  I will tell you, the dating thing – so over that… I tried, but I just do NOT have time for that level of drama.

Now I am dealing with Wave 2 – my present and future career.  “What career?” I ask you!  I had a promising career when he was in graduate school.  I’m sure if I had stayed, I would have been making the big bucks and not worrying about being able to afford groceries.  But I left my career to help him open our veterinary hospital.  The hospital was going to be OUR future.  We were going to run the business together.  Now, no hospital, no husband, and a rocky career future.  Oh, the joy of looking for a job in this economy!  Add to that the fact that I have two children at home that aren’t quite old enough to look after themselves and a parenting partner who doesn’t live with us and who has a crazy work schedule which means finding childcare.

So as I am applying to every job possible (that I am qualified for), I have to consider not only my career (or lack thereof) but what am I going to do with the kids while I am at work – before and after school and the summer.  I find myself getting angry at my husband because, as my mind so often tells me, “If he would just move back home it wouldn’t be as much of an issue! We would have less expenses AND the childcare issues would be easier! Grumble grumble grumble…”  But I know that’s neither true nor fair.  Our relationship is better BECAUSE he moved out, our kids are healthy and well-adjusted BECAUSE he is not here, fighting with himself and as a result fighting with us.

So here I am, still trying to find a job in my chosen field after 2 years.  Please keep me and my little family in your prayers while I continue to interview and apply.  Thank you for reading.